Love, Communication, and the Keys to Building Positive Relationships
Love is one of the most powerful forces we seek in life. When people are asked what they need to be happy, love, a soulmate, or a fulfilling relationship is almost always at the top of the list. That’s no surprise, relationships are one of the five essential elements of well-being, and they play a huge role in life satisfaction and authentic happiness.
From a survival standpoint, relationships have always been vital. In early human history, positive relationships meant safety, protection, and shared resources. Today, they still serve as the foundation of support, connection, and joy. But the glue that truly holds relationships together isn’t gifts, romantic dinners, or even shared interests, it’s communication.
Why Communication Matters
Communication is the exchange of information between two people. It allows you to:
Express your feelings, experiences, and needs
Set expectations and boundaries
Work together to navigate challenges
Build intimacy and closeness
Research shows that couples who spend more time talking, not just small talk, but deeper, meaningful conversations, are happier. But good communication is not just about long conversations. The everyday micro-moments of how we respond, listen, and show up for our partners shape the health of a relationship over time.
Positive vs. Dissatisfied Communication
Positive communication looks like:
Mutual support
Shared laughter
Respectful disagreement
Withholding unnecessary criticism
Dissatisfied communication often includes:
Frequent arguments
Less laughter and playfulness
Criticism, resentment, or jealousy
Neutral or negative emotional tone
It’s important to note: positive relationships don’t mean you never fight. It’s about how you navigate those harder moments. Do you lash out, bring up the past, and aim to “win”? Or do you approach disagreements with respect, stay focused on the issue, and work together toward resolution?
The way you argue, listen, and repair after conflict can make the difference between growing stronger together, or slowly drifting apart.
Support That Truly Helps
Being supportive doesn’t mean blindly agreeing with your partner in every situation. True support means encouraging your partner’s long-term goals and well-being, not just their momentary desires.
For example, if your partner decides to stop drinking for health reasons, “irrational support” would look like cheering them on one day, then encouraging them to drink after a stressful day the next.
Healthy support means reminding them of their goals and encouraging choices that align with their values.
In short, a supportive partner doesn’t just say “yes” to everything, you lovingly challenge each other to stay on track.
The Power of Micro-Moments
John and Julie Gottman, well-known relationship researchers, describe something called “bids for attention.” These are small gestures, like asking your partner to peel an orange or share a laugh, that invite connection.
When your partner makes a bid for attention, your response (whether you engage or ignore) sends a strong message. Over time, these micro-moments accumulate. Couples often look back after years and wonder, “How did we grow apart?” It wasn’t one big event, it was the gradual buildup of unnoticed, missed, or negative interactions.
The good news? By being intentional in small, daily interactions, you can also create a strong foundation of love and joy.
Two Types of Social Support
Psychologists identify two main types of support in relationships:
Capitalization – sharing positive experiences with your partner, which creates opportunities for celebration and connection.
Self-disclosure – revealing hidden aspects of yourself (thoughts, feelings, goals, vulnerabilities), which builds intimacy and authenticity.
Both are essential for a healthy relationship. Your partner can’t fully love you if you don’t let them truly know you. Self-disclosure deepens intimacy over time, while capitalization allows partners to celebrate each other’s wins, big or small.
How you respond matters too. Research shows that the most supportive response to capitalization is an active-constructive response: showing genuine excitement, curiosity, and joy for your partner’s good news. Other responses (ignoring, downplaying, or responding negatively) can make your partner feel unseen or unloved.
Three Character Strengths for Stronger Relationships
To foster positive relationships, focus on cultivating these three traits:
1. Gratitude
Small, daily acts of kindness like making coffee, warming up the car, and saying “thank you” carry far more weight than occasional grand gestures. Express gratitude often and acknowledge when your partner does something thoughtful.
2. Empathy
There are two types:
Affective empathy → emotionally connecting and feeling what your partner feels
Cognitive empathy → intellectually understanding your partner’s perspective
Both types of empathy increase satisfaction and decrease conflict in relationships. Even if you don’t agree, empathy allows you to respect where your partner is coming from.
3. Curiosity
Curiosity helps you stay engaged and interested in your partner. Instead of assuming, you ask questions and explore their feelings, perspectives, and experiences. Curious partners are better at diffusing tension, strengthening bonds, and avoiding boredom.
Final Thoughts
Love isn’t just about finding the right partner, it’s about building the right relationship. Strong, lasting relationships thrive on healthy communication, meaningful support, and the small everyday moments that build trust and joy.
When you prioritize communication, celebrate your partner’s wins, and stay grateful, empathetic, and curious, you don’t just build a stronger relationship, you create a life of greater well-being, life satisfaction, and authentic happiness.